Abusing My Television
| February 23rd, 2009 by Robert | Word Count: 738 | Reading Time 3:02 | 2,619 views |
It’s not what you think… I don’t watch too much television. Sure, I watch my fair share of it, but for the most part, I’m watching movies or have it on for background noise. I’ll pop on a sporting event and let it run just in case something exciting happens. Other times, I have it on because I’m playing a video game on it. Yes, I have a Playstation3 and I play Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare online. I’ve played other games, but CoD4 is my game of choice… until Modern Warfare 2 comes out later this year that is.
So, how am I abusing my television? Well, let me put it this way, I like to yell at the digital people on the screen… a lot… and very loud… sometimes, I think they can actually hear me. My voice and reactions must carry through the wonderland of audio and video frequencies… I whole heartedly believe that! I don’t yell and scream at the real people in my life, why do I yell at digital representations of people on my television? If I was the only one that does this, I might feel a bit weird, or maybe even crazy. But, I KNOW I’m not the only one who EXPECTS the people inside the television to hear and obey the screams of those watching.
And so, I abuse my television, it carries the weight of this burden quite well. It has yet to talk back to me and it never fails to turn on. It must be a glutton for punishment because if I listened to how I talk to it (and I’m using talk very loosely here), I would have up and blown my picture tube a long time ago. I would have ceased to recognize the remote control signals and simply sit there doing absolutely nothing. Yep, that’s what I would do quite honestly. I’m sure glad my television doesn’t have any artificial intelligence at all.
Not only do I scream at the video game people, but I yell at people playing the variety of sports that I watch. How can they make such lousy plays when they’ve been playing these sports for the vast majority of their living and breathing life? Shouldn’t they be nearly unstoppable in every facet of their sport after practicing for nearly 20 years and being paid to do it to boot? From missed free throws to missed bunts to missing their pit in the race… how can it be done?
In reality, these people DESERVE to be yelled at and yelled at VERY loudly. Not only are they making their team cover for their mistakes, but they are affecting millions of people watching their performance. Yes, they should EXPECT to get yelled at… I would because I yell at myself for making the teams I’m involved with cover for my mistakes. Yes, not only do I yell at the video games and sports people on television, but I actually yell at and abuse myself.
I hope you guys don’t think I like yelling at things that don’t talk back… I don’t exactly like it. It’s just something that is built into my emotional state of being. I like to yell at inanimate things because I believe they actually enjoy making me mad enough to do it. Why else do some of the most unbelievable things happen while I’m watching? I honestly believe that if I’m not watching, things are absolutely perfect and nothing goes wrong… but when I tune in or play the game, the entire world comes crashing down in front of me just to see how loud I can yell or how high I can make my blood pressure go.
Even though I recognize that these objects in my life simply cannot hear me, I will continue to express my dissatisfaction with them by yelling, screaming, and generally hating every lasting minute of their existence until they succumb to my every beck and call. So, television, I know I’m a bit crazy, but you will continue to hear my yells. Sports people… you also will continue to be berated by my maniacal tirades at your incompetence. And I haven’t even mentioned the tools in my life… they probably deserve their own article.
So, join me in my abuse of inanimate objects… let’s show them who the boss is! I’ll guarantee you that I’ll do my part!
on February 23rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm:
I give this a 5-star because you have been so upfront about this. Yes, I hear the abuse go on and it drives me crazy. I don’t understand why someone would put themselves through the torment of a game that makes them so mad. It’s supposed to be enjoyable, not stressful and unpleasant.
Now that I think back on it, I have gotten a little too excited while playing Zelda or Mario because something killed me on it.. just not as robust as Robert does.. EVERY TIME! I always KNOW when he’s playing that game, because I hear him yelling through the house. The only time I ever hear him yell, so I just know…
on February 23rd, 2009 at 10:16 pm:
I’ve heard you growl at your Zelda game and tense up as if you’re going to chuck it across the room at the wall… Yes, even you have that built in aggressive state to genuinely hate video game people.
Yelling at the television doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it, but I am a bit quieter when things are going my way.
Thank you for the rating!
on February 28th, 2009 at 1:08 pm:
Hi y’all. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. LOL
on March 3rd, 2009 at 9:46 pm:
That is a lot better than taking it out on a real person.
Myself I don’t take TV all that serious, I guess if I did I would probably use my trusty .45 and try to stop one of the criminals that always get away that none of the good guys can ever hit after firing 25 times at point blank range. Ha Ha thats why I can’t take things too serious. Too expensive to replace televisions.
on March 5th, 2009 at 9:30 pm:
It would be a pretty expensive “habit” if we broke the things we are upset with that’s for sure. I’ve broken a few things along the way, but I usually keep that to things worth less than $10. Although, some more expensive stuff deserves to be shot or smashed with a hammer!